Twitter, and the Inexorable Heat Death of my Self-Esteem

I’ve been on Twitter for nearly a week now, and I’ve yet to amass a single follower.  It goes without saying that this proves I am universally unloveable and should just drown myself in a bucket of tar and get it over with.  However, I live in hope that someone, somewhere, in the far distant future, will stumble across my Twitter profile, and if they do, they might ask themselves “Why has this guy used Ximenes as his Twitter handle?  What’s a Ximenes, and can you feed it after midnight?”

Of course, by the time anyone gets round to asking this question Twitter itself will probably be archived on a thumbnail drive plugged into the skull of a cyborg anthropologist trying to work out if a Shitlord was some kind of priest.  Nevertheless, I shall endeavour to explain.

I chose the name Ximenes because I am thoroughly addicted to cryptic crosswords, and Ximenes was a (relatively) famous crossword designer in the UK.  Kinda like Will Shortz, but even better. The proper nomenclature for a cryptic crossword enthusiast is ‘Cruciverbalist’, though dork is shorter and equally accurate.  Some of my posts, therefore, will feature clues (and occasional full puzzles) of my own devising, along with explanations of how to solve different kinds of cryptic clue so you too can look clever on the train.

I’ve got to be honest, I’m not going to be making this a priority.  I’ll probably only do one or two posts a month on this and that’ll only be when I have literally nothing else to blog about.  Anyway, here’s a few to get you started.  The first person to answer them all correctly will win a cash prize of 1,000.00* dollars!

  1.  Mythic foot (6)
  2. Marine distributes cocaine (7)
  3. Defeat stout docker?  Not entirely (5)
  4. Rebel against Slavic tyrant?  Heads will roll (4)
  5. Church outing, in a sense (15)

Good luck!

*Zimbabwean dollars
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