Today, Sarah Palin, the supreme polymath of the modern age, threw the colossal weight of her reputation behind pseudo-scientific woo peddler and bow-tied bullshit merchant Bill Nye, by declaring – in a display of near unfathomable generosity – that the children’s TV presenter was “As much of a scientist as I am”
Palin, who won the Nobel Prize for biology for proving that the entire human race in all its infinite variety was descended from two people created by God in a magical garden filled with enchanted apples, stunned the scientific community with her remarks, not least because she deigned to deliver them in English as opposed to her usual habit of communicating solely in polylogarithmic derivations of undiscovered prime numbers.
Palin, who, in 2008, simultaneously revolutionised the fields of geography, anthropology, and cartography by proving that Africa isn’t a continent, made the claim while promoting the groundbreaking documentary ‘Climate Hustle’, a film which, once and for all, answers the question of whether the past hundred and fifty years of constant fossil-fuel combustion, combined with a strict ‘let’s cut down all the really big trees’ policy, could possibly have had a negative impact on the Earth’s delicate ecosystem. Spoiler alert: It hasn’t.
Many have wondered what Nye, a mere graduate of Cornell university and multiple patent holder who doesn’t even believe in witches, could possibly have done to warrant the attentions of a mind as great as Palin’s. However, a source close to her told this reporter that “She was just in a good mood after solving the Penrose conjecture.”
Editor’s note: It has since transpired that Mr. Nye, aware that Palin’s magnanimous comments represented the apex of his professional career, and eager not to sully the moment with more of the ignominious failures which had heretofore characterised his entire life, had committed seppuku, and thus could not be reached for comment. His last twitter entry reads”And Alexander wept, for he had no more worlds to conquer.”
TL;DR version – Go home Sarah, you’re drunk.